Life, Hope, Expectations and Disappointments

I'm not sure if I'm in the right mood to be writting this story. I had a great day, but now I am feeling pensive, and maybe even a little sad.

Let me start at the beginning.

I woke up at 04h00 this morning to finish my module on African Language. I finished the module but this gets me no closer to starting my assignment which is due next week. This is causing a bit of stress in my life as I cant seem to find the time. I will start tomorrow.

After breakfast the usual chaos broke out .... "I cant find my shirt" ... "I cant find my hairbrush" ... "Tony hit me" ... "Tasha stuck her tongue out at me" ... "Anthea, turn you music DOWN!" ... "WILL YOU GUYS HURRY UP!!"

Dropping them off at school is sometimes the best part of my day.

Work was great. I had fun and spent the day teasing my colleagues. I spent time on the phone talking to a complete fruitcake who called me up to convince me that HIV does not exist. My spirits were high. They say that the higher you are, the further you fall. Well that's just dramatic. It's more like a long painful tumble over stones and sharp rocks.

So, this evening is going well. No major problems or issues. Anthea is setting up my new phone with music and pictures. We are all enjoying each others company. This continues until I tell Anthea that I dont want her friends spending every day at our house. I struggle financially as it is and now half the city spends their afternoons "hanging out" at Newton Street hotel/Halfway House for Delinquents.

Well, this request resulted in a nuclear meltdown, tears and all. Why do I hate her friend so much? What has her friend done to upset me so much.

This friend she is refering to is a child I have know for many, many years. A girl that I had such high hopes for. A girl who made me proud even though we are not family.
This girl, with her sister, have been through so much. They live with a mother who always puts her own needs and wants first. A mother who is a professional manipulator who will do whatever it takes to get what she wants. She has always had little regard for her children or how her behaviour and actions have affected them. They have little security and are exposed to more that children should be exposed to. These children have not been brought up. They have been kicked up. Dispite this, these girls have actually turned out quite well.

The problem proberly lies with me. I feel such anger and resentment for Anthea's friend. She has hurt and disappointed me. She has always been such a wonderful child. Respectful, positive, smart, ambitious and determined. I have tried to help those children whenever they needed it. Maybe I expected too much? Maybe I have forgotten that she is just a teenager who messes up like all the others. Maybe the fact that I have always been there for them makes me feel like I deserve a certain amount of respect. Maybe I'm just stupid to think that they, dispite their hardship, will turn out differently and make a success of their lives.

Its a sad reality.